Must Reads - December 2017

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Welcome to a new series where I curate some of my favourite articles, twitter threads and essays from the past month. December's list is obviously a little belated but I still wanted to share these amazing pieces. Going forward I'm going to aim to get these out on the last weekend on the month.


Three Thoughts on Emotional Labour by Clementine Morrigan

Read It Here: http://gutsmagazine.ca/emotional-labour

As someone who does a lot of emotional labour on and off the clock, the three questions raised in this piece (Is it consensual? Is it valued? Is it reciprocated?) are really useful for me to come back to when giving or receiving it. Emotional labour has developed unhealthy connotations in many spaces but it is such a vital and valuable part of the human experience. It just needs to happen under the correct circumstances.

Sex Nerd Reading List by Elle Chase

Read It Here: http://ellechase.com/2017/12/06/25-books-every-sex-nerd-read-reference/

Elle Chase is a goddess. If you haven’t read her book, Curvy Girl Sex, walk away from your device right now and grab a copy right now - it’s amazing! My sex book library is pretty expansive so new stuff is sometimes hard to come by, so I was very excited to find a few titles that I still don’t have. It has a great mix of subject areas and will suite fledgling sex nerds and old hands alike.

Sex Work Reality Thread by @YEVGEN1YA

Read It Here: https://twitter.com/YEVGEN1YA/status/942091051887710208

In this powerful twitter thread @YEVGEN1YA is beautifully and painfully honest about her lived experience of doing sex work under her real name. Her experience of stigma in employment, dating, the media, the legal system, family and in her everyday interactions with men. It's very powerful and I want to send it to everyone who says sex workers "can't be marginalised".

Make Them Leave by Jamie Loftus

Read It Here: https://amp.pastemagazine.com/articles/2017/12/make-them-leave.html

This #metoo account was a particularly hard one for me. T.J. Miller has been a favourite comedian of mine for years and I felt betrayed and angry, not only by the original allegations (and others that followed) but by the tone of the message he and his wife posted in response. Something about it felt gaslight-y and it made me really uncomfortable, even if there's a chance  they were truthful about the incident at hand.

Loftus' piece has a focus on the way survivors and victims are often pushed to give "their perspective" by men who want permission to ignore the wrongdoing of other men. This is real and shitty and beyond dismissive but it happens all the time. Her thoughts on rehabilitation also resonated with me a lot and this piece has really helped me navigate my feelings as more and more brave women come forward.

You Need Help: Here Is A Worksheet To Help You Talk To Partners About Sex posted by  on Autostraddle

Read It Here: https://www.autostraddle.com/you-need-help-here-is-a-worksheet-to-help-you-talk-to-partners-about-sex-237385/

It's safe to say I'm pretty comfortable talking about sex, I spend every day of my life doing it in some form or another. So it's easy to forget that so many of us get tongue-tied when it comes to discussions of sex and sexuality, particularly when it is specifically about you and another human. I've seen many variations of Yes/No/Maybe lists and the like over the years but this selection of worksheets that was shared to Sex Geekdom ACT are my favourite so far.

They cover specific acts but also include topping/bottoming and giving/receiving preferences, encourage safety discussions about toys and lubes, explore the creativity of sex and sexuality, promotes conversation about language for both safety and gender reasons, allow you to share fantasies and establish boundaries. There is also a cute venn diagram to fill in all your interests so you can see what you and your partner share. I think these are really great tools to fill out alone or with new/existing partners (either together, perhaps over brunch - or alone and then swapped) as a starting point for an exciting exploration. I'm all for giving people the tools to empower themselves and these are excellent tools. ;P

Best Writings By Sex Workers by Suzy Hooker on Tits & Sass

What it says on the box. A wonderful collection of sex worker voices from 2017.

Go Read Them!

Things I don’t like seeing in Indigenous affairs reporting: a thread by  (@IndigenousX)

One of my priorities in 2018 is to be better in terms of Indigenous issues. Like most people in my generation who went through the Australian school system, the education I was given in regard to Indigenous culture and history and the narrative I was taught of the colonization of Australia allowed me to leave school feeling "informed" but disengaged. I'll write more about this in my resolutions post but td;lr I want to change that. This thread is fantastic and should be turned into a media bible.

Fat & Fucking: Dating Desirability As A Plus Sized Woman by Red Hot Suz

This technically came out in late November but if you missed it then here is your chance to catch up. Suz's post about how being plus size affects her dating life hit very close to me and many others, the part about feeling the need to disclose your fatness during online dating really resonated with me. Just a really powerful read and I think if you like my work you'll appreciate it.

Written on January 18, 2018